There's a reason I have a hard time recalling embarrassing stories at the drop of a hat. I block them from my memory! Why would anyone WANT to remember embarrassing things that have happened to them? I dunno, but I guess for the sake of funny stories to tell I will dig deep into the crevices of my buried emotionally scarring moments and enlighten you with my tales.
This first story happened just this past Monday so it's still fresh in my mind. I was at lunch at Thai Drift with my friends from American Crafts. I was sitting in my chair trying to juggle Fox in one arm on my lap and put the bottle cap back on the bottle on the table with my other hand. All of a sudden the bottle slipped out from under the cap and the cap went flying across the room and HIT SOME GUY IN THE FACE! AHHHH! Stuff like that only happens in movies! Jen can back me up on this story, she was the one who so graciously retrieved my AWOL bottle cap. I didn't look at that guy for the rest of the meal.
This next story also happened just this past Monday. I guess my stars were aligned (or unaligned?). I was talking to a friend at Northridge when Fox started farting/pooping in my arms. It was loud so that was embarrassing in and of itself. But then I felt something warm drip on my foot and was mortified when I looked down and saw bright orange Fox poop all over my foot and the floor. I was so embarrassed. Luckily the guy I was talking to has three kids so he knows what blow outs are all about. Later that day when I was back at my grandparent's house talking to Tanya I noticed that, sure, I got Fox all cleaned up, but I forgot to clean up my own foot...
Next: When we were living in Provo Chris's parents came to visit. They were all standing in our crowded hallway and Chris was showing off his golf clubs. I have incredibly impeccable timing because right as I walked past Chris he pulled out a 5 Iron and smacked me in the eye. Spouse abuse! It was a total accident but dang it hurt and all I wanted to do was cry but I didn't want to look like a wimp in front of my in-laws so I held it in.
Once upon a time when I was about 10 years old I went to camp with my 5th grade class. It was the first night and I must have forgotten to pee before I went to bed because I wet my sleeping bag. I woke up my counselor and told her what happened and basically she told me stick myself where the sun don't shine and she'd figure it out in the morning. Yeah, I went back to bed in my pee. In the morning she said she'd get my sleeping bag washed but I swear when they brought it back to me later that day all they did was hang it out to dry because it still smelled like pee. TMI? Forgive me.
That's all I can think of for now. If I think of any more I'll add them to this post.
But while I'm story-telling I might as well share this gem even though it's not embarrassing. The guy who lived in this apartment before us is in some serious trouble. For about a year now we've been getting phone calls and random people knocking on our door looking for him because he owes them money. No matter how many times we've told these people we are not this in-debt person, they keep harassing us. At 4AM (!!!!) this morning, the doorbell rang. I'm dead serious. I told Chris to be careful as he got up and out of bed and looked out the window to see who was there. It was some towing truck so Chris answered the door. It was two men and they were here to repossess this previous tenant's BMW that he hasn't made payments on in like a year. HE DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE PEOPLE! Ring our doorbell again at 4am and see what happens!
This first story happened just this past Monday so it's still fresh in my mind. I was at lunch at Thai Drift with my friends from American Crafts. I was sitting in my chair trying to juggle Fox in one arm on my lap and put the bottle cap back on the bottle on the table with my other hand. All of a sudden the bottle slipped out from under the cap and the cap went flying across the room and HIT SOME GUY IN THE FACE! AHHHH! Stuff like that only happens in movies! Jen can back me up on this story, she was the one who so graciously retrieved my AWOL bottle cap. I didn't look at that guy for the rest of the meal.
This next story also happened just this past Monday. I guess my stars were aligned (or unaligned?). I was talking to a friend at Northridge when Fox started farting/pooping in my arms. It was loud so that was embarrassing in and of itself. But then I felt something warm drip on my foot and was mortified when I looked down and saw bright orange Fox poop all over my foot and the floor. I was so embarrassed. Luckily the guy I was talking to has three kids so he knows what blow outs are all about. Later that day when I was back at my grandparent's house talking to Tanya I noticed that, sure, I got Fox all cleaned up, but I forgot to clean up my own foot...
Next: When we were living in Provo Chris's parents came to visit. They were all standing in our crowded hallway and Chris was showing off his golf clubs. I have incredibly impeccable timing because right as I walked past Chris he pulled out a 5 Iron and smacked me in the eye. Spouse abuse! It was a total accident but dang it hurt and all I wanted to do was cry but I didn't want to look like a wimp in front of my in-laws so I held it in.
Once upon a time when I was about 10 years old I went to camp with my 5th grade class. It was the first night and I must have forgotten to pee before I went to bed because I wet my sleeping bag. I woke up my counselor and told her what happened and basically she told me stick myself where the sun don't shine and she'd figure it out in the morning. Yeah, I went back to bed in my pee. In the morning she said she'd get my sleeping bag washed but I swear when they brought it back to me later that day all they did was hang it out to dry because it still smelled like pee. TMI? Forgive me.
That's all I can think of for now. If I think of any more I'll add them to this post.
But while I'm story-telling I might as well share this gem even though it's not embarrassing. The guy who lived in this apartment before us is in some serious trouble. For about a year now we've been getting phone calls and random people knocking on our door looking for him because he owes them money. No matter how many times we've told these people we are not this in-debt person, they keep harassing us. At 4AM (!!!!) this morning, the doorbell rang. I'm dead serious. I told Chris to be careful as he got up and out of bed and looked out the window to see who was there. It was some towing truck so Chris answered the door. It was two men and they were here to repossess this previous tenant's BMW that he hasn't made payments on in like a year. HE DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE PEOPLE! Ring our doorbell again at 4am and see what happens!
The same things happened to us in our last Wymount apartment -- people calling nonstop, very VERY awkward drop-ins. The worst, though, was that we knew this guy! He and his wife had just had a very public divorce, but their apartment was awesome and we couldn't resist moving in!
ReplyDeleteThis is just what I needed. I am laughing uncontrollably!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a mean camp counselor! I was a camp counselor for 5th graders for two years and we had actual had a policy for something like that. We took the kids to the night counselor, he gave them a spare sleeping bag, washed their dirty one, and then we would pretend that their shampoo had spilled in the middle of the night. That happened to one of my little girls once and I remember how upset she was, so I'm extra-mad on your behalf.
ReplyDeletePoo foot! Poo foot! :)
ReplyDeleteOh no! Painful-embarrassing experiences are the worst kind. A more recent embarrassing experience happened at church after nursing Isabel. I went up to give the closing prayer in sacrament meeting...no biggie. But as I was walking to Sunday school, a nice sister told me my sweater AND SHIRT were tucked into my bra in the back!!! How does that happen?!?! I asked Ben if he saw this when I stood up and walked to the microphone, but he didn't notice :( This is horrible! I wonder if there's people in the ward who snicker as I walk by them...I'll have to pay close attention!
ReplyDeleteOh, these were too funny! I actually had to share most of them with Jeremy! LOL. :-D
ReplyDelete