I went to Fox's 9 month appointment and left feeling like a total and complete failure. Some people are naturally great mothers. Me? I have no idea what I'm doing. My list of talents do not include mothering. Artsty fartsy stuff, sure, I can do that, but is that really what matters most? I doubt it. I'm trying the best that I can, but I must be doing something wrong when nearly half of the checkmarks on the list of "things your baby should be doing at 9 months" aren't crossed off.
"Do you feed your baby iron-rich foods such as meat, iron-fortified cereals, or beans?" No. I didn't know I was supposed to.
"Have you placed safety gates at the top and bottom of stairs?" No. My baby isn't mobile.
"Does your baby crawl?" Nope. See my response to the previous question. My baby isn't mobile.
"Does your baby army crawl?" No, for the love, he doesn't move! He can spin in circles and once in awhile he props up on all fours and rocks but forward motion is non-existent!
"Does your baby sleep through the night?" He used to. Then we went to Hawaii and his routine got all messed up.
"Does your baby show some fear of strangers?" No. I mean, I guess he's acting a little shy right now staring at you Doctor, but I wouldn't say he's afraid. Why is this an important milestone?
"Does your baby pull himself up to standing?" Not without my help. He really wants to stand, so hopefully he'll be able to on his own soon.
"Does your baby say 'Dadada' and 'Mamama'?" He only says 'Mamamama' - what does it mean that he doesn't say 'Dadada'?
"Does your baby clap his hands?" Nope. Were we supposed to be teaching him how to do this? And why is this a milestone? Why oh why?
"Does your baby wave hello or goodbye?" No, for Pete's sakes. Chris has actually been trying to teach him this the last few weeks but it hasn't caught on yet.
"Oh, and it looks like his frenulum under his tongue may need to be clipped to prevent speech impediments." Wonderful news. The cherry on top. Poor little Fox.
Fox is like our guinea pig child. Hopefully we'll know better for the next one. Or maybe we should quit while we're ahead...
At least, above all else, he's such a cute little guy!
Gimme the camera!
I don't even know you in real life but I know you are a fabulous mother! Forget about all those checklists - all babies need is a loving environment which from your blog is so so obvious that you have.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is 23 and was a preemie! This was my montra...Babies don't come with instructions. I create them all the way.
ReplyDeleteThe first one is always the guinea pig! He looks healthy and happy so I give you an A+!
A) This is why I hate taking Miles to the pediatrician.
ReplyDeleteB)I don't think that Miles could do almost any of those things by 9 months either. I know he didn't army crawl until 11 months, walk until 13, or crawl for real until more like 16.
C) Do you have the What to Expect: The First Year book? I think it gives much better guidelines for baby development. It was probably my favorite book when Miles was a baby.
D) You are an awesome mom. Don't let that stupid list make you feel bad. Fox is a great little boy and you guys give him a great and loving home!
(Sorry for the super-long comment, but I know the feeling of failing as a mom and I hate it when anyone tries to make you feel that way :)
You are doing great. These list type things are just guidelines, Fox is happy and healthy and loved. He will be fine. My own baby is growing up TOO fast and he's my last so it's totally freaking me out. Enjoy your non crawling phase as long as you can.
ReplyDeleteFox is darling.
Now Paige... you have you looked at Fox? It's adorable and smiles and obviously leads a charmed life (he's in a internet movie... :) YOU are a great mother even if you need to give the kid a bean or two. All the other things, hogwash, he's no textbook kid. Who cares?
ReplyDeleteDid the Dr make you feel guilty for any of those things?? If so get a new Dr! As a mother you produce enough stress and guilt by yourself, you don't need a doc helping you out.
I think your baby looks happy and full of health. The most important ingredient to grow a baby is love, isn't it? Fox seems to be very very very loved by you and Chris, so don't worry, you're doing it great :)
ReplyDeleteYou know what the most important thing is? Even out here in blogland, everyone can tell that Fox is loved, loved, loved! I really hope your doctor didn't make you feel like there were absolute deadlines that Fox should be meeting. EVERY baby is different!
ReplyDeleteMy first bachelors degree is in Psychology, and I really thought I wanted to be a child psychologist, so I took a ton of human growth and development classes. I can tell you that, with both physical and psychological milestones, there is no real right or wrong age.
There is nothing to worry about if he isn't meeting these set "deadlines" to crawl, or clap, or anything. Some babies do these things crazy early in their lives, and some do it later. Just because he does it a little later than these deadlines doesn't mean it's going to be detrimental to his life later on.
His future boss, or professor, or wife isn't going to factor in the fact that he didn't crawl by 9 months. It doesn't really matter! He looks like a happy, healthy, loved baby to me. And you seem like a fantastic mom. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
I don't think anyone goes into parenting knowing how to be perfect at it. You learn new things every day. And there are things that the books that are supposed to educate us just can't teach. Just take one step at a time. One day at a time. Your a great mother; you purely and simply love your child and I personally believe that is one of the most important parts of being a parent.
ReplyDeleteYou are NOT a failure. Some babies are late bloomers and it doesn't mean that you aren't doing something right... He looks healthy and happy, that's the most important thing.. not how fast he's pulling himself up or sayind dadda.... You are doing great!
ReplyDeletepegs, we all feel like this at some point but you shouldn't! you are a great momma and little fox is loved and loved and thats all that matters. every baby goes at their own pace. dont beat yourself up!! first time around is always hard and a learning experience. you are doing a great job, DONT quit while your ahead! you are fabulous and deserve a pat on the back for all the work you do!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with all of these women on her... YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER.
ReplyDeleteFor you to even post this as a concern tells me (and probably everyone else) that you care and therefore have the best intentions for Fox; which is a sign of a great mother. DON'T WORRY if he hasn't gotten to all of the so-called milestones that the Dr.'s checklist had. He will, we all develop at our own pace; he looks healthy and most of all LOVED and HAPPY ~ that is all that matters.
And so what if he has a speech issue (potentially) you will work through it; just show him incouragement. I am sure he can do some things that other 9 month olds cannot.
And honestly if it bothers you, work with him a little more (I know that may be difficult especially if you are a workin' mama). Talk to him like any other person and he will catch on. Give him pea sized "big people" food (only one type of food at a time each sitting ~ so you can make sure he isn't allergic).
Good luch and GOD bless!
Paige. This is your mother. Listen to me. Those questions were only questions. Not guidelines and not rules to measure Fox. Your readers are right in that Fox will learn and grow at his own speed. And the tongue-clip thing isn't a big deal. It's a solution to a very common issue. It's been done a zillion times.
ReplyDeleteTo all of Paige's blogger friends: I've seen Paige in action. She's the best mother anywhere! She's way better than I was. I honestly don't know where she learned her mothering skills but it wasn't from me. She only inherited my "worry gene" which explains a lot!
It looks like you already have tons of good peeps telling you to hell with the doctors.
ReplyDeleteThey're all right. BUT i know it's hard. I took Evie to her (month appointment and the doctor tried to tell me I need to get her into physical therapy because she's not crawling. He had me FREAKED OUT!!! But I started asking around and don't think that the doctors really know.
Call me sometime and we can figure this motherhood thing out... Cause I sure don't get it!
Psychologists need to have something important to say. Too bad the dr.is not up on his"bedside manner", or he/she could have told you all the things your friends have told you. The tongue muscle-that's inherited. Katy had one and it wasn't discovered until she was in 5th grade and the dentist was fitting her with a head gear. Just think what a gabber she would be if they had discovered it at Fox's age. She has always had perfect speech.
ReplyDeleteI have seen few babies who had a personality anywhere near his. What a charmer! Crawling ,at one time, was thought to be absolutely essential,and elementary teachers used to have ALL first graders crawl down the hall every day so they could learn to read better. It was disproved quickly. Give Fox an A+++ on his legs. Soon he will
discover what they can really do and you won't be able to keep up with him. Just enjoy every day and don't worry. He is delightful, and you are very very lucky!!
Your Grandma D
Silly checklists. Fox is a happy baby. Your checklist should be:
ReplyDeleteDoes your baby know you love him?
Does he have a mother and father in his life?
Do you want the best for him?
Are you teaching him right and wrong? (Of course, more of this will happen when he's older).
Do you pray for him?
My bet is you would check yes on every one of these.
P.S. Nick had to get his tongue clipped, so it's apparently from the Evans side and you can blame that on Chris.
ReplyDeleteI have been MIA for what seems like months (ok it's really been weeks) but look how BIG he's gotten! and so super cutalicious... doesn't look like you're doing a thing wrong to me, and trust me of all people... the mother of the boys that walked at 9 months = something you do not want!
ReplyDeleteyou're a perfect mommy! and fox couldn't be any happier!
ReplyDeleteXo
The only thing Fox can't do is not be cute!
ReplyDeleteYou are NOT a failed mom! Those milestones are BLEH - I don't think my mother even took me to the pediatrician besides to get my shots. Our world is just on information overload. You are great and Fox is so happy and lucky to have you!
ReplyDeleteALL children are experimental! That's why we're all so weird. :-) Fox is fabulous! Where'd you think he got that from???
ReplyDeleteI remember going thru this with our first child too. By the time we got to number two and three I realized that dr.'s should only talk about physical health. I don't need them to tell me how to improve my childs sleeping habits or waving. They are a dr. - not a parent to your child. It is so easy to second guess ourselves, we don't the medical professionals making it worse! Keep giving Fox love, attention, and a strong family life (just like you're already doing!) and he'll be just great!
ReplyDeleteI would like to reiterate what everyone here has already said. You are doing a wonderful job. Fox is loved and taken care of. Don't ever let them make you question your mothering abilities. You're doing awesome!
ReplyDeleteYou just told the entire story of our little guy Matthew's 9 month check-up. Update - he is now 5 years old, miles ahead of everyone his age emotionally/mentally, and about a foot taller. Still does not run as fast as all the other kids but he can use the word nocturnal in a sentence correctly (which almost made me fall out of my chair recently). Bottom line is, you are doing a fabulous job. There is no Mommy handbook; you learn as you go. If he is happy and healthy that is all that matters. Here is to all the bumbling mommy's out there who rock at what they do! CHEERS girl!
ReplyDeleteYou have nothing to worry about! He looks health and ADORABLE and he will do all those things on his own time! You are doing a great job Momma! :)
ReplyDeletePaige, I don't have kids of my own, but I have friends with older kids and new babies. I have heard such obnoxious doctor stories lately from them...it's quite sad. I've been lurking your blog since before Fox was born, and I can see you are a great mom. You're not failing and don't get so down on yourself. Your little guy is beyond adorible...keep up the good work!!!
ReplyDeletePlease don't beat yourself up. These checks are not tests of your parenting skills (I'm sure you would pass even if they were they are just points to measure Fox's development against.
ReplyDeleteThe 'normal' range is so wide that it won't be a cause for concern until much much later, but if there were to be a problem you would rather know sooner than later so intervention could start straight away. My son has a disability so I got used to making my own targets, but every baby does things in their own time and (unless there really is a disability)it will happen
oh, goodness, gracious, paige, my boy (who is now 7) was born to parents who are clueless and he has somehow managed. he has always been behind according to the charts and what not and, in fact, he is still not the top of any lists (except my list) but he is happy and healthy and curious and he earned his swimming badge this summer and earned straight a's on his grade one report card and he has always been considered 'behind' but i don't really care. i did at first though. cut yourself some slack and love him and teach him about the things that you love and he will be fine, fine, fine.
ReplyDeleteOne more thing to add: about the possible speech issue. I'm not an expert on this, but my boyfriend, who had some issues from an early age, went to the speech therapist for a few years during childhood. To talk to him now, you would never know that he ever had a problem! And he now works for one of our U.S. Congressmen. Speech issues or not, everything will be okay :)
ReplyDeleteYou are a great mom! Doctors are silly. They told my sister the same things about her first (who is also a boy), and he's the smartest kid around and can walk just fine now. You are awesome! and make cute babies, btw.
ReplyDeleteOh Paige, you are such a great mother! I wouldn't even worry!! Fox is happy and healthy and doing great! Babies do things at different times, and it's a ok. I had to stop comparing Brooklyn to the kiddos around her age because I was going crazy that she wasn't doing all that they were doing... they all learn at different times and it's just fine!
ReplyDeleteI just have to say a big AMEN to all of the readers who have commented...espesh your hubs and malm. :)
ReplyDeleteI remember being a lot like you when Savannah was little. Let me tell you something...no one ever asks me now "when did savannah start doing {fill in the blank}? It only seems like a big deal at the time.
I remember one specific time when I was stressing over Savannah not being able to sleep through the night...AND SHE WAS 2! I got the best advice...
No one has ever had a Savannah (or in your case Fox)...no one will ever have a Fox...you know Fox better than anyone else. Keep doin' what you do because you are what he needs!
Scrap the list. All Fox needs is love and TLC. This check list is pure micro-management...it works if the parent has a concern or there is something profoundly wrong with the baby. This is such a typical American thing. You are doing an awesome job from the smiles I see from Fox. PS: I work at the doc's office here in Canada
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you care about the checklist means you're a great mom ;)
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your son is super cute! :) Second, I feel for you about the milestones...I think they're written to stress us out. I'm sure you're doing an awesome job as a mom. *hugs*
ReplyDeletedoctors are such a blessing but GEESH sometimes i get so annoyed when they bring out a checklist like that. every child develops at a different rate. Fox WILL stand up, he will wave, he will crawl... but when he's ready. and that is a 100% fine! Jonah didn't crawl until 10 months and Jordan didn't get her first tooth until she was 13 months- but they both happened (and i was freaking out about both! ha)!!! It's been my experience personally and with all my friends that boys hit these milestones later than girls do, also. You are the perfect mother for Fox, dont ever doubt it! When God created Fox he had you in mind. sending hugs! xo jenni
ReplyDeleteNone of us knew what we were doing the first time and heck, the 2nd time either in my case (5 years between babies). I figure as long as they are healthy and well loved and we are doing what our mommy instinct tells us to do then we must be doing something right. We'll make mistakes and we'll always be learning something new about mommy-hood. Enjoy the ride!
ReplyDeleteim sure everyone feels like a failure as a parent at one time or another. I know I have already! Fox is adorable and looks pretty dang healthy to me! And all those cute smiles proves he is happy and just fine! Every baby develops at different rates. Sure wish these things came with handbooks!
ReplyDeleteOh sweet Paige.
ReplyDeleteDo NOT beat yourself up.
I just want to echo what everyone else has said. Jack is 9 months old and although he can do most everything that was listed Caylin DID NOT. He is totally different from my first child and that just goes to show you that EVERY baby is different and do things on their own time.
Jack also had tongue-tie that had to be clipped. His was noticed, thankfully, but his pediatrician at one week old when he was having a hard time latching on. It was clipped and it's an easy fix. It bled some, but then healed just fine.
I just wanted to send hugs your way and tell you that you are doing a great job! Fox is loved and you just keep loving him and doing your best. That is all you need to do! :)
More hugs!
You can tell from that sweet happy smile that you are doing everything just right. dont change a thing :)
ReplyDelete